so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
