I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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