Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
