You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
