I puked a lego.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
