Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
