so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
