Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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