Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
