'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
