He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
