I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
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She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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