Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
