Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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