We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
