but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
this boner is exhausting
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
