I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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