dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
A+ Viking dick
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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