I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him