Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
