Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now