fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
