I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
