I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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