mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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