when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
