I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
