My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
