two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
