Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize