Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
