dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize