it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
