I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
