remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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