she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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