Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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