I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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