I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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