Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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