He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
