He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
