We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
