Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
