Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
