carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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