Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Sext me about skeletons
My vagina just clenched in fear
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
