I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
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After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
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You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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