loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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