how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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