Christians are straight up FREAKS
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
