careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
