i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
