AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize