If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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