I think my vagina is haunted
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
