that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Your penis caused this!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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