It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
