I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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