I'm lost and stupid without you.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
