She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
