I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
