Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
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They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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