found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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