I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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