you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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