I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
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