Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I touched a dick in church today
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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