i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
