please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
