Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
only you would photoshop your dick
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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