she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Mom said you looked used
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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