I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
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hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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