hotel room ftw
from now on my penis is your penis
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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