i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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