but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
