we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
