whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's blow job season.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
