he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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