It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
