dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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