He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
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