what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
A+ Viking dick
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