This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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