Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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