Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
